I Am No James Bond

I am no James Bond. Yesterday started like the yesterday before, and the yesterday before  that. I was on the computer when I heard a helicopter coming......that "thumping" sound getting louder and louder. My Cocker Spaniels, Archie and Sassy, were barking in their pen as the copter began to circle around the main enclosure. To give perspective to this scene: I had rented a house in the Highlands of Costa Rica, about 40 minutes outside of San Jose. The house was an older, but large affair, encircled by a 6 foot chain link fence, topped with red passion vines that were over 8 feet in height. The main yard was 300 feet long and approximately 200 feet wide. In this enclosure I had a dog pen about 10'X10' by 5 feet high, covered with a 6 foot high tent. This is where the dogs resided most of the day. The yard had a few banana trees, one large, 30 foot tall, Baobab tree (called the dead rat tree as the hanging seed pods look like dead rats), and the big parrot cage I purchased for my African grey, parrot, Smoker, who I also kept for fun and company in that tropical paradise. Today, this copter had the dogs barking in an incessant..........quite annoying...... frantic mode. It seemed, by the loud thumping sounds, that the copter was making several passes on the property, so I decided that I needed to take a look. 

From one of the front widows that were covered by a large white, wooden, designer shutter, I viewed the copter, and I saw that it had all its identification numbers taped over. On the left side skid stood a man who was holding, with his right hand, the door opening to the copter, and in his left hand he was holding a pistol.....a gleaming, chrome or stainless steel, long barreled weapon that apparently he was going to use on something or someone. I immediately ran for the rear of the house, and grabbed the 'camo' netting, green laser 'pointer', and the machete I had sharpened as a defense weapon, and ran from the house, and around into the rear yard. I positioned myself near the vines on the chain link fence, and hid under the netting. The copter had made another pass on the yard, and was flying about 80 foot above the ground, and had passed the perimeter of the yard by some 300 feet. As it made its turn to come back, I could plainly see the guy with the gun. I don't think that from above, either of the copter's occupants could see me under the netting, but through the holes in the netting, I could easily see the guy with the gun...... and I focused the green laser on him in an attempt to blind him. Now this laser 'pointer' is a weapon I had designed especially for me, because here in Costa Rica I am limited as to what type of self defense weapons I can legally possess. Guns are out of the question by law. This laser is a green laser, 2,500 mw's in power, has a large copper heat sink, and has a duty cycle of 20 seconds on with 40 seconds off. It can easily burn a hole in a vinyl balloon at about 300 feet, in a second or less. I am sure that a human eye can be burned to 'toast' at over 400 feet, in a 'snap'. And even in that mid afternoon sun, I could easily see the green line coming from this pointer....... and it was bouncing off the cockpit 'glass' so much that I worried as I was not wearing safety goggles, and thought that I could inadvertently blind myself. But as the copter came closer, I continued to 'look' for the pistol man's eyes. Suddenly, there was a scream, and the pistol dropped from his hand. He lost his grip on the door frame, and was coming down like a javelin. He seemed to be attempting to fly, but gravity and the forward speed of the copter really made this 'stunt' impossible. The guy hit with a thud, and bounced once, and then just laid there. He never so much as kicked a leg. The copter 'broke' to the right, and 'bobbed' upward several feet when the shooter fell from this black 'egg beater'. The pilot made another turn around the yard, but this time he was doing it in a circle maybe 400 feet or more beyond the boundaries of the yard. He made only one pass, gained altitude, and flew towards the north..... the copters incessant thumping sounds becoming softer and softer. 

I turned the laser pointer off, and slowly dropped it to the ground. All the while I held the machete in my left hand.....ready to decapitate the intruder should he make the slightest move. For several minutes, I waited. No movement. The dogs had gradually quieted. I moved towards the crumpled body on the ground and found him quite dead. I assume he broke his neck after the fall. Never having been in this situation before, I decided to give his head the hardest kick I could accomplish, 'just to make sure'. I kicked him at the base of the skull. Nothing. Not even a twitch. The guy was dead as a proverbial mackerel. I turned him over, and was shocked to see that his eyes were open and that his teeth were a bright orange. I estimated his age at 35 years. He smelled of some putrid, musk, cologne. I checked his pockets and found a wallet with several American, hundred dollar bills, and several Euro bills, and a few of the old Greek drachma 10,000 notes, but I suspect that these old notes would, maybe, buy a Big Mack, as they had been recalled in 2002 when the Euro note became the official currency. There was a drivers license and it said, that this guy was from Bulgaria. Nothing else of value or interest did I find. I think the license said that he weighed 158 pounds or something to that effect. I put the wallet back in his front pocket, and I dragged him out of the gate, and around to the rear of the property where there is a slope that maybe is 40 feet at the bottom, and where it then levels off flat again. The ground growth was deep, and easily hid the body. I then returned to the rear yard and retrieved the pistol. It was a Ruger, 22 cal, stainless, with a 6 inch barrel, and a 10 shot clip. I found 2 additional, loaded, clips for this weapon nearby. I assume that the shooter was holding them in his right hand, and they dropped when he lost his grip and fell. I took these and the pistol and dug a hole 3 feet deep and 'planted' them. I did this very close to the chain link fence so that the area would be hard to detect should someone be looking for something buried. Now I knew that I would have to get out of Costa Rica immediately, and I would have to do this without going through regular channels and customs. But why would someone go to all this trouble just to shoot my dogs? Very perplexing for sure.

I got on the phone and called my friend, the drug runner, Pablo (not his real name). He is a Nicaraguan living in Costa Rica. I have known him for over 40 years. I asked him if he could fly me to Florida without going through the 'channels'. I told him I needed to go now; That I would pay whatever he asked. He laughed and said that he needed to 'visit' Lauderdale, and could leave in a few hours. He only wanted me to pay for the fuel. Then I 'hit' him with the big favor. I told him I had the 2 dogs......and this is where he was not interested. 

About 35 years ago, I had asked Pablo to bring my pet Ocelot, Baby, to Tampa, Florida. I was having problems getting permission from the government to bring my pet out of Nicaragua (Pablo's father was the governor of  Rio San Juan, in Nicaragua at the time), and Pablo, on one of his drug runs brought my Ocelot out, only to crash land in the water outside of Grand Turk (Turks and Caicos Islands). The plane was a total wreck; Pablo was to have a permanent limp; and poor Baby was killed. Now Pablo was thinking that he did not want to 'push fate', and again take on a 'memory from the past'. But after about 10 minutes of 'haggling' he told me to be at his ranch as fast as I could make it....before he changed his mind. I gathered up a few things, and put the laser pointer in it's case, put collars and leashes on the dogs, left the key in the red Honda, 250 Enduro (figured it would be nice to let a thief at least have the key rather than 'monkey up' the ignition to 'jump it'), let my parrot, Smoker, free, and was in the Ranger Rover heading to Pablo's ranch before the sun had begun to set. It took about 3 hours to get to the ranch and Pablo was waiting. We gave each other a hug and a pat on the shoulders, and it was then that I realized that we were getting 'long in the tooth'. Pablo was very slender, his long silver hair was sparse in places, and he had lines on his face that I had never seen before. But his voice was as strong, and bass, as ever. Pablo is a true friend. The plane was the same one he had some 30 years ago. A twin engine, 1974 Piper Turbo Aztec. The plane was in showroom condition. I told him that he could have the Range Rover as a gift, and he said that there would be no fuel charge for this flight. We laughed, and again patted each other on the shoulders as we laughed. 

The flight was from Costa Rica to Grand Turk, where we fueled up. Pablo wanted to stay, over the night, as he thought we could renew our friendship with several persons on Grand Turk we knew from the old days, but I told him that circumstances in Costa Rica made it necessary for me to be in Florida before what I had planted behind the rental house began to 'bloom'. He said OK, and we again boarded the plane, and within a few hours we entered the air space of the U.S. by way of  the tangled and confused air traffic that makes Lauderdale so easy to penetrate. An hour after landing I had a rental car, and was heading to my Sarasota house, safe and nearly sane, in the company of my faithful dogs, Archie and Sassy. 

As I said at the start: "I am no James Bond." But I am sure some readers will take exception to this statement; and some will think that I am a criminal. But I assure you: I am an American Patriot, who is tired of all the "Hope and Change" the Obama administration trumpets. There is not one of the Republican 'Pretenders' who has enough 'guts' to tell Obama that all the confusion over his birth certificate, his passport records, his school records, his Selective Service card, and his student loan records, needs to Stop. Obama is an employee of the American Public, and as such he needs to immediately make it possible for any American citizen to check his records. Failure to provide such a check is the same as an admission that something is amiss, and as such he would need to resign, NOW! Further failure, by Obama, to grant the public access to these records must be met by the U.S. military doing its sworn duty to protect the Constitution. The Congress has proven, these past 3 years, that they will not do their duty, and they likewise need to be removed. I will provide a check for 10 million dollars to a Super PAC that supports Allen West, Lt. Col. U.S. army, retired, as the candidate for President of the United States of America in 2012. I have nothing to lose. If Obama is re elected, myself, like thousands and thousands of other Americans will be holding worthless paper (US Dollars). It is a sad fact that 46 million recipients of Food Stamps hold the integrity and honor of this nation hostage. It is time to make Obama prove that he is 'Wearing Clothes'. And for you readers who should believe that I have broken laws in Costa Rica, murdered a man, and entered America illegally, I say, " I Am A Man. I Have God Given Rights. I Will Not Be Bound To Laws Constructed To Inhibit My God Given Freedom. And Only Suckers Play By Rules Devised By Corrupt Leaders."   

Post Script: I learned today that Pablo had crashed, and died, during a night flight into Grand Turk. I don't know all the details, but some say he fell asleep, and some say that he ran out of fuel. All I can say is, "Thank you friend, and I am sure you are once again 'flying high'. We will rendezvous in the near future, for sure."

Lord Howard Hurts