I live in Florida, and June and July are traditionally our rain months. So today started out much like the past week. Clouds, sun, more clouds, and finally rain. It had not rained for over 2 months, and most everyone, myself included, complained about needing rain, and now, with the rain coming, I want it to STOP. Enough already. It is most depressing without the sun. The humidity must be over 200%. Once you begin to sweat, you can not dry. Usually, this type of oppressive heat is reserved for August and September, but for some reason it has arrived early this year. Here's hoping for an early winter, as 4 months of this is physically draining; to say the least.
My scuffing around the house in slippers and shorts was given meaning and direction when the door chimes began to ring. Looking out, I saw the post woman standing at the door, and patiently waiting with an envelope in her hand. Thinking that this could be a summons for jury duty, I gave thought to not answer the melodious request issued by the door bell, but then thinking that if it was a summons..... not answering would only provide a temporary reprieve, as government will continue to summons until the proverbial "cows come home". So I slipped towards the front door, and answered the call. To my surprise it was not a summons from some local or Federal court, but a registered, signature required, letter, addressed to me, Lord Hurts. It had the return address of a prestigious law firm on the upper left hand side, and as the envelope seemed quite thick, I assumed, that it was a complaint against me by someone who thought I had given some grievance. And after engaging the postal worker in some small talk about the weather, and bidding the woman a "good day", I opened the missive. I found it to contain both a letter, and a certified check for $20,000. The included letter of introduction made mention that a distant relative, The Earl of Warwick, Harold Standhope, had died this past year; that his lawyer, Randsom A. Hoarlick, had taken several months to track me down, and deliver the Earl's final request; this check for $20,000. Now the strange part to all of this is that I have no knowledge of the Earl, and further, I hold no knowledge as to why he would be so generous with an apparent distant, distant, relative. But not one to look a "gift horse in the mouth", I decided that I would deposit the check, and make some purchases to help stimulate our lagging economy; To wit, I decided that not only would I stimulate the economy, but that I would purchase only things or services that represented; "Made In The USA". I sat down at the pub table that resides in my kitchen area, and began making a list of things to purchase. My first thought was a new car, but $20,000 would not buy a "real" car, and anyway, I have several cars in my garage already; shirts and cravat. No. Imported from India, Indonesia, or China. Piece of furniture. No, imported from China. Suddenly, this stimulus project was becoming work. Think. What is "Made In America"? Suddenly, I thought about the women on the wrong side of town, the "Street Walkers". This is definitely "Made in America". Then I thought about Jack Daniel's. Not exactly my "cup of tea", but "Made in America". Drugs, marijuana in particular. Grown right here in the National Forest's of Florida, "Made in America", for sure. Florida Lottery tickets. "Made in America". Boy, spending this money on "Made in America" products or services was going to be difficult; if not illegal. Is this all America stands for? Better save back a few dollars just in case some unintended consequences should arise from this "Made in America" buying spree. Is it any wonder America has lost its "Moral Compass"?
Lord Howard Hurts