Friday, December 27, 2013

The Lord Howard Hurts Theory Of Engagement

National events of the past few days have angered me to the point that I will, without hesitation, give the 'Blind and Deaf Sheep' of this nation a plan of attack. It is time to stop catching the 'grenades'. It is time to begin throwing them back. It is time to exert a coordinated 'frontal' attack on all Democrats and RINO's. 

When I was a boy back in Broadstairs, Kent, I was raised in a most gentile family setting. We lived in a great medieval, fortified, country house that included a moat. This family home had been built sometime in the 1400's. And when it came time for me to attend primary school, my mother insisted that I dress appropriately, and 'to our standard', and thus I attended classes wearing both a coat and necktie. Several of the older boys took this as reason to 'thump' me unmercifully. But having no history of having to defend myself, this uncalled for hostility not only hurt, but it confused me. It came to the point that I did not want to continue attending class. The Baron, my father, saw this as just something I would have to deal with, and dismissed even talking about my plight. But my mother, thank heavens, took me aside, and told me that I would have to change my tactics from running and hiding to attack, attack, attack. She told me that I would have to 'make my mark' now; or always, I would be 'hounded' by those that regularly watched my 'beatings' with morbid interest, and become the thrust of their ire. She said that if I did not take action soon, I would have to fight every student in the school, for after watching my cowardly actions, I would be a target..... an easy target. She further told me that to succeed, I would have to identify the 'biggest' bully of the lot, and not wait for him to choose me out..... but to get in his face, and just start 'wailing' on him. I admit that I was not too keen on this approach as I figured that I would be spending some time in hospital, but at the same time I could see that the 'slow beatings' that I had been receiving would in time also deliver me to the same place. 

For a few days I practiced my boxing and kicking and wrestling moves....... I had a friend, David, that became my sparing partner. I found by experiment that my most effective wrestling move was the 'scissors hold'. I shortly found that if I could 'trip' my opponent onto the ground, I could quickly wrap my legs around his torso, and apply leg pressure till the victim gave up, or his internal organs were projected out of his mouth. This tactic worked admirable on David. He got to the point that once in the 'scissors', he would scream loudly for me to stop even before I had applied pressure. 

The big moment came on a Monday, before classes had started. All the students were sitting around talking and joking, when along came Richard. It had been spoken around school that he was almost sixteen years old; was the son of a fisherman; and was dumb as a rock.  He was a most frightful sight, to me. But now when I look back on Richard, he might have been around sixteen, but he was no more than five foot tall. He was a sixteen year old midget. But at that time in my youth, Richard was a giant. He smoked cigarettes, and even had a self applied tattoo of a blue and red, bloody, skull on his wrist, and his teeth were none too streaks and brown stains from the cigarettes he smoked. 

That Monday morning was going to be my Waterloo. I walked right up to Richard, and told him that I was tired of looking at him, and that I was not taking anymore of his crap. Good old, Richard was with several of his friends, and they laughed, and asked me what I was going to do about it. I told Richard that I was  going to fight him.... to the death........ right then and there. Now, I was not believing what was coming out of my mouth. I was actually scared to death of old brown teeth. But as I threatened, Richard got this strange look on his face. I could tell that he was not ready for a fight to the death, and I am sure that he knew to fight a punk like me and lose, would keep him busy fighting every other student that did not like him, till he grew old, or moved away. I could see that Richard was scared. I pressed on, and began to talk more vicious. Richard's friends encouraged him. Not only did they encouraged him, they "pushed" him into taking my challenge. Richard suddenly made up the excuse that he did not want to fight me because he was already in trouble with the school, and his mother had warned him that if there was any further trouble, he would be sent to live with some relative in lower London........his friends began to turn on him. He had to take the challange.

Most of the students were more than excited about watching the slaughter.....the fight was on. Richard drew a large circle in the school yard dirt. He said that this would be our ring, and if anyone should enter this ring, while we were fighting, he would stop, and beat that person to death..... and he said that I should do the same. Everyone was impressed. I was not even worried because I must have had a massive infusion of adrenalin flowing in my veins because I was taunting Richard to get in the ring, and to get ready for battle. One of Richards friends was acting as referee, and when we had ourselves inside the circle, this friend told us that we would fight only when he gave us the 'word'. He said, "There will be no stopping the fight for blood or broken bones. It will be a fight to the death". Well, all this buildup must have put Richard 'over the top', for without notice, or 'word', from the referee, he hit me hard on my right arm. It was a blow that 'woke me up'. I had never been hit this hard before in all my life. I was fast coming down form my adrenalin high. I was scared...........but Richard was gone. He had done a 'hit and run', and he was just gone. The school bell rang and everyone went to their classes. I was the talk of the school for days, and Richard was never seen at that school again. I don't know whatever happened to him. But what I learned that day was that my mother knew what she was talking about. I have used this strategy, abet a few modifications, to success over, and over, again. I think it is time for the "Tea Party Members" to use the "Lord Howard Hurts Theory of Engagement": When being attacked by an opponent that is larger, meaner, and unyielding, don't attempt to block the 'blows'. This response only stops some of the 'sting', but does nothing to stop the attack. When in a "Do or Die" situation, find the opponents weak spot, and attack, attack, attack. 
Lord Howard Hurts

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